Welcome, to an illuminating journey of Self discovery.
I'm excited you decided to take the journey! This exploration consists of a series of reflections, which have been derived from my own revelatory experiences, journeys and encounters. Each segment has been organized in a way that hopefully lends to the gradual recognition of the luminous presence within each of us. From time to time I may refer to this luminous presence as the "true Self." Please take the time to reflect on each segment for as long as you feel it's necessary to internalize what is being stated. If you'd like to add some soothing music while you read, please hit the play button at the bottom left of the screen. I hope this journey stirs a deep resonance within you.   Enjoy!

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I want to convey, that in my attempt to reflect what I've been given, each segment of this journey is being offered as nothing more than a heartfelt expression. If I appear at times to present myself with a sense of conviction, it is simply because of the correlative effect of my experiences and the seemingly fluid internal foundation I've come to know as a result. It is in no way an attempt to dictate your Truth. Ultimately, we only offer others a reflection of ourselves, as no one can honestly convince another of the truth about who or what they really are. For one's deepest truth can only be recognized from within.
Who am I, and Why am I here..?
For years I struggled with these questions, due to the inherent change and elusiveness of life. In many ways these questions are analogous to a piece of a jigsaw puzzle disoriented and alone, trying to understand itself. Without seeing the bigger picture it is a component of, the piece makes little sense and even its inherent features, borders and edges are of little use. After many years of trying to make sense of my life, and the way I never seemed to quite fit in my surrounding environment, I finally realized I was just like this puzzle piece. I realized that I'd been trying to find purpose without seeing the bigger picture which truly calls purpose forth; that no piece can ever be whole of itself.
The illusion of a whole part.
Finally, after so much time futilely searching I'd realized that no amount of analysis, postulation, or final attainment of crucial information long sought, was going to reveal that which was not only the source of, but only exists in relationship to the whole; and that the beauty of symmetry is not within the part, but the way in which the parts seem to complement (articulate) one another. I'd been living a-part, all the while trying to find wholeness. I realized my problem wasn't about not looking deep enough, but where I'd been looking which kept me lost, and that even my best attempts at life, merely got me back to where I'd started. This all led to the undeniable realization, that I had no idea how to live life. A great threshold had been reached, and nothing but total surrender made sense.
An honest surrender.
I gave way to this insurmountable surrender which penetrated me so deeply, I came face to face with the fact that I could wholeheartedly admit I had no idea who I really was or why I was here. Strangely, this honesty seemed to grant a wondrous sense of alignment rather than disorientation, and there was so much relief! It meant I could stop pretending to be what I thought I was suppose to be, and allowed me to finally be still. A stillness which the deepest part of me had been craving for decades. The winds had seemed to shift, and the stars above felt to have taken a step nearer. I began to sit in this stillness constantly; listening, watching and being within it.
A restful interlude.
Parallel to this surrender and inner stillness, my external life had also begun to shift in its own way. And for the first time in many years, I was afforded the opportunity to be still in day to day life and to rest with minimal distractions. My inner and outer worlds were aligning and affording me the opportunity to completely stop and remove myself from the busy world. In joyous gratitude, I sat for many days in this stillness, until a spacious permeability began to saturate my being, and all the contraction and tightness of life seemed to loosen its grasp and begin to fall away. I had begun to awaken from a long and busy sleep, and a bigger picture had begun to come into view.
A bigger picture.
The spaciousness which seemed to permeate my being began to expand into a vast awareness. Accompanied by the lightness of finally releasing everything after so many years of living in a contracted state (a state I'd never realized I was in until I'd experienced this expansiveness). Soon, my vision also began to expand with a subtlety that seemed to penetrate everything. A much greater system (and many smaller ones within it) appeared to illuminate my sight, and the orchestra of life began to come into view. I began to see the dance which surrounds and embraces life. I began to sense the neutrality of our joy and our suffering; and a deep love in my heart previously unknown to me, was born.
What I am not.
As the deep love in my heart grew, it seemed to saturate the spaciousness expanding within me. My new found vision began to turn inward on identifying what I was not. I saw clearly for the first time in my life, and intrinsically knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was not my body nor any component of it. I was not the sum total of my relationships or accomplishments. Ultimately, I realized with overwhelming certainty my true reality; that I am an eternal instrument of Supreme Consciousness. An immense inner peace enveloped me, and the beauty inherent in all life seemed to penetrate my core. Suddenly, the deep love in my heart exploded, and a light of absolute clarity awoke within me and seemed to cast itself upon all the dense components of my inner fabric.
An Initializing Experience.
This inner light, which seemed to carry within it a certain clarity previously foreign to anything I'd ever experienced in life, began to rise from deep within my center. As it rose, the fabric of who I'd been, seemed to be resolved (or brought to light and understood) and everything this light penetrated, felt to undergo a sort of healing, as though it was untangling and recalibrating the distortions of the inner fabric which it passed. It carried within it a peculiar sense of gravity and a vast intuitive intelligence beyond any measurable capacity. It gently oscillated upward with a steady swiftness, until I distinctly felt it travel up through, and out of the top of my head. Suddenly, the grip form had on me seemed to disintegrate and from this point great periods of revelation began to ensue.
A challenging event.
The initializing experience I just described encompassed one of the most amazing physical sensations I'd ever experienced. However, I must warn that relinquishing (even the willingness to relinquish) the form one has embraced their whole life, has the potential to be a terrifying event. Especially when the duration or severity of the experience is unknown. Though I do believe this type of experience when not induced and occurring naturally happens, it's because we're ready for it. For me, this was the case and while I was apparently ready for it myself, the initial relinquishment of form was quite startling and particularly challenging in nature. I felt I had made it through a great obstacle, and that night I sat for an unknowingly long duration filled with an ineffable joy.
Revealing my Truth.
I know some of my descriptions may sound quite bizarre to a few, and perhaps the many. I'm aware that they may even sound crazy, especially the ones that are to come (though words barely begin to outline the vast depths of these experiences). Many say to keep these types of experiences to oneself, and initially I adhered to this idea (especially before grounding it all). I assure you, I'm not the type of guy that even remotely wants to appear crazy. But I ultimately came to the realization that to not share the truth of my experience, is to conceal it amongst a world which projects a vast array of untruth or illusion. Therefore, I'm sharing them because they happened, and people should have the opportunity to be exposed to the greatest reflection of truth one can offer.
A confusing morning.
The next morning I awoke. My first awareness was that everything still seemed expansive and the sensation of form, still light. But what in the heck had happened! And why did it happen to me? Though I felt beyond blessed, confusion was setting in and I had a million questions! A primary one was, "how could I have experienced this unless I died?" Though I had many other questions, this one seemed to make my body the most heavy. So I sat with this question for quite some time. The world was still in front of me and my loved ones still in it. If I had somehow died, I sure didn't miss a beat. Many ideas presented themselves, some quite far fetched and involved alternate realities and the like. What ultimately quieted the question was the awareness that everything had built up to this experience gradually and had seemed to progressively unfold.
Getting comfortably outside the box.
I spent the next few days assimilating much of my experiences, and began to acclimate comfortably to the looseness in which the body appeared for me. As long as I was undistracted, it was as though I was unbound of the body, yet I had to somewhat embrace it when interacting with the world. My preference was definitely the former. Time seemed to expand and compress in relation to my seemingly unbound or bound states as well as a heightened sense or awareness of gravity. Due to the play of time, sometimes particular states began to transcend the limits of apprehension previously available. I'll touch more on these subjects later, as they are necessary to understanding some of the encounters yet to come.
Enter the construct.
At this point, the spaciousness of my being had become so porous and light, that I had begun to go in and out of states where I was completely unaware of the form I'd occupied. As I would alternate between these states of sensing the body and not, I gradually began to recognize form as a mere construct (a thing formed by arranging many parts), which lent to a fruitful state of impermanence and the ability to interact with the sensory world when necessary. Even when the body was consciously engaged, it was as though I was looking through it rather than from it. More remarkably, this perception seemed to encompass anyone I interacted with. As if the light which arose within, allowed me to see the working fabric of another's construct rather than their dense form.
A new rhythm.
Not only did the extent of the spaciousness I was experiencing seem to lighten my sense of form, it also afforded me the openness to discovering more about it. Because I seemed to be looking more through my construct (body), rather than from it, I became more aware of its resonance and had begun in a way to subtly listen to and observe it with a sense of insightful discovery. Which began to reveal a particular rhythm in my step and in my speech. It was the oddest sensation, because it was as though it was still me, yet somehow operating at a more refined frequency or vibratory rate (essentially a different rhythm). Yet this rhythm was inherently familiar to me and seemed to reveal more of my true essence than I'd ever known.
A rhythm leads to dance.
My inner sight soon aligned with this new rhythm, and I began to have corresponding visions relative to the instrument I had the potential to be. As though I was being shown what or who I was designed to be. In many ways, the heart already knows this, and it was as though all the passion for service I had built up throughout life, was being illuminated into a potential and relative form. A form which seemed to completely encompass the beauty in me, that I could never before recognize in myself. It was as much believable as it was unbelievable, because deep within I knew it's who I really was, yet at the same time, who I'd spent my whole life being afraid to be. I had begun to dance with my true Self, and my true Self had begun to dance with me.
The dance of Alignment.
As this energetic dance proceeded, a subtle yet deliberate alignment began to take shape. It was as though the porous translucence of form I was experiencing was freeing up (loosening) the dense nature of who I'd been, and the freed constituents were being drawn into a new alignment by something greater. Now, this part is hard to articulate but of great importance. The way I'd begun to observe myself through my construct, shared the same vantage point of that which seemed to be driving this reformation. So, to look within and into the center of this formation was to recognize that which forms. Once I began to realize this, my attention was drawn more and more to this point (or awareness), and subtly, what was generating this aligning rhythm, began to come into view.
An illuminating perspective.
What appeared to come into view can be somewhat conveyed by pointing to the currents which cause form to move, rather than looking to form itself. I'd begun to see with great clarity, the origins of movement and their corresponding destinations within myself. And because the thoughts, words and actions coming through me were now easier to take notice of due to the new rhythm I was attuning to, it was as though I could see the point in which my thoughts would arise and understand the evolution of the corresponding words and actions which followed. This clear awareness and understanding of a process which was surely subconscious to me my whole life was quite illuminating! Yet, it was not so much that I myself was discovering it, but having it revealed or shown to me by something which by nature, was of revelation itself.
An unusual encounter.
A something, whose very outline or energetic signature was articulated by the dynamic, congealing, creative transmission of a vast intelligence and its limitless loving capacity to illuminate for me what was previously unknown. This something I was somehow integrating and attuning with was profoundly distinct from any mode of thought I'd ever experienced. It was this wondrously creative use of thought which seemed to encapsulate for me the idea of a distinct personality or signature. And for something that was so far outside the realm of objectivity, it seemed to hold all objectivity lovingly within its conscious embrace and contained within its rays the capacity for revealing an unwavering certainty surrounding all which its light cast upon in any direction.
Stay Tuned.
This is where the Journey ends, for now..

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